OMG I NEED 2 G0 H0M3 ND UPD4TE MAH BLOG
Screw that.
To be honest, I'm really getting sick of the whole 'blogosphere' crap. People need to understand that just because you own a blog DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A JOURNALIST.
Especially when you own a blog and think using the words 'cheese' and 'monkey' throughout reflects on how much of a 'random' person you are. You're not 'random'. You go to the same desk at the same time each and every day and do the same task over and over then go to the same pub after your shift and drink the same drink as you did the night before.
It's that kind of thing that has made me not update here for ages (three months? Record breaker, for sure). That and I've been really busy on my final dissertation for college, writing my soul out for scant pennies and returning to full time work as a chef. Okay, all that and I'm really lazy.
I wonder what a sloth would be like if you put it on sedatives. Those things have got really bizarre hands.
Anyways, here's a really random conversation I had with my little brother Grimmy on MSN the other night while drunk. I found it this morning in the history files. I do remember his screen name telling me he was in the shower and that we played a quick fire round of the insult game for a while, and that's about all.
Countdown to conversation with my brother:
3... 2.... 1... WOOOOOOSH!
Zeke: You're in the shower at midnight?
Zeke: That's fucking HARDCORE SHOWERING!
Grimmy: Yes, I rather enjoy a power shower.
Grimmy: How are you, mother trucker?
Grimmy: Hello?
Zeke: Hello?
Grimmy: Hello!
Zeke: Hi!
Zeke: How are you?
Grimmy: Can you read what I'm saying?
Zeke: There's a bunch of letters there and they kind of make sense.
Grimmy: You're a Sonic Waffle.
Zeke: Well, you're a Questionable Mantlepiece.
Grimmy: You are, by unanimous vote, a Pragmatic Souffle
Zeke: Ah, that may be true, but in contrast I think you'll find that you're an Ubiquitous Duckling.
Grimmy: Platonic Cornflake.
Zeke: Uncalmable Cheeseboard?
Grimmy: You're as gay as that kid at the school bus stop who always used to steal your fag butts from you.
Zeke: Oh, yeah, I remember him. You're as gay as the twat I work with that has not one Westham F.C tattoo, but TWO Westham F.C tattoos. AND TALKS ABOUT WESTHAM AND HIS WESTHAM TATTOOS CONSTANTLY.
Grimmy: Erm, but I think you'll find that you're overlooking the fact that I had a pie earlier, which obviously redeems me from my gayness.
Zeke: Nope, I win, because not only did I eat a pie earlier but I also cooked 12 (twelve) beef and ale pies for the restaurant this evening. WAAAAAAAHHH. Distributing the pies to the masses.
Grimmy: You're only distributing your prejudice, you're just too blind to see it.
Zeke: You distribute gay but you're too sexually insecure to see/feel it.
Grimmy: They only thing you see or feel is another man's/boy's genitals.
Zeke: Wait... wait!
Zeke: I can win this one! Just let me think...
Zeke: ... Oh yeah!
Zeke: I've got a girlfriend.
Zeke: Where's your girlfriend? Eh? I don't see her.
Zeke: Is she over here? Oh no, she's not.
Zeke: What about over here? Oh, no. Not here either.
Zeke: Should I call off the search party?
Zeke: WAAAAAAHHH
Grimmy: Should you lose your affinity with men as well as women?
Zeke: I can't answer that question really. I just have a straight forward mastery of the sexuals.
Zeke: (women).
Grimmy: lol the sexuals
Grimmy: rofl waffles
Grimmy: Lmaonade
Zeke: My face is on fire.
Grimmy: Is it burning like a single mother in hell?
Zeke: Oh, hang on...
Zeke: No, no it's not. My mistake, it's my cigarette that's on fire.
Zeke: You wouldn't believe the relief I'm feeling right now even if I could describe it!
Grimmy: I can make an estimate from the information I retrieved. The curve appears to be positive.
Zeke: Wait! I've come out with a different figure entirely. Are you sure you applied the standard misdeviation properly?
Grimmy: I used the unsigma sign to it's most pure form. And so, the hero and the princess got married.
Zeke: Fuck, it all makes sense! Pisces - you will prosper from a recent vague decision you made sometime in the last lifetime, and it will pay off when a good thing happens sometime in the next few years or so (give or take a decade).
Zeke: Y'know, I wondered what Meg was talking about until you filled in the gaps.
Grimmy: You see, meg is comparable to a flat packable cow. It makes no sense.
Zeke: Are you saying flat packaging makes no sense or cows make no sense? TREAD CAREFULLY.
Grimmy: The answer lies in the 8 ball.
Zeke: I don't have one handy. Relay it to me.
Grimmy: The result was volatile, have you read the disclaimer first?
Zeke: Was that all that shit about not being able to sue someone if they twat you about the head with an 8-ball if they can provide indesputable proof that the 8-ball told them to twat someone around the head with it?
Grimmy: The confusion of the situation has a 10x multiplier. Thus, the courts shall be too mentally decayed to care of the outcome.
Grimmy: It's a risk we have to take in these dark days.
Zeke: As long as we have love in our wallets and Van Morrison's latest album in our ears, we'll always be able to embrace the darkest days with confidence... surely you remember 'Emo/Gothic Tendancies Vs. Not Being A Dick' class back in school? That was the FIRST thing they hammered into us!
Grimmy: But it was all so subliminal! Really Z, i would have thought that you'd learned by now that the mind is a box, and if you open it you die.
Grimmy: More to the point, you just die.
Zeke: Dying sucks ass. What's all that shit about? It really sucks.
Zeke: Do you have the answers? God, I need the answers.
Grimmy: No, my name is Grimmy. You got the 'G' bit correct though. That'll all be accounted for on your day of judgement. Try the room upstairs.
Zeke: Uhhhh.... on top of the roof? I'm in the bedroom right now.
Grimmy: Stop thinking so laterally. You're just demoralizing yourself.
Zeke: I never had a moralizing to de-moralize in the first place.
Zeke: Which works out quite nicely, I think.
Grimmy: Too right, if i may say so.
Grimmy: Well too late in any case, I already have said so! Ahah, this is all too much, don't you think?
Zeke: I heartily agree. So much so, in fact, I'm going to do some bed-sleep. I've just worked a fourteen hour day, dontcha know.
Grimmy: We think alike. Try having a two day day. That's hectic!
Zeke: Oh, what, so you've done two hours a day for two days straight? Killer! Dude, that's like... four hours you've done this weekend!
Grimmy: Two days and two hours all in every action packed one.
Zeke: Do you work so hardcore that those four hours feel like a million?
Grimmy: I try, I really do.
Zeke: Hard enough?
Grimmy: Potential's there.
Zeke: That counts for a hell of a lot, no matter what anyone says.
Zeke: A potential in the hand is worth two actions in the bush, or some shit.
Grimmy: You should be among the Elite, you really should.
Zeke: Who said I wasn't already?
Grimmy: I'm going to close my eyes, count to ten and hope that your existance was just some strange dream.
Zeke: And then after those ten seconds you'll realise that it really was a strange dream and get so sad that I never existed that you'll hate yourself forever for wishing that I was a strange dream.
Zeke: Which I probably am.
Grimmy: There's two schools of thought on that, but you'll have to go into more depth at another time. Right now I'm going to bed.
Grimmy: Goodnights.
Zeke: Nightys-night.
Zeke: The
Grimmy: End.
It's just occurred to me that after all that, I still never found out if he was okay and life was running smoothly back home.
To be honest, I'm really getting sick of the whole 'blogosphere' crap. People need to understand that just because you own a blog DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A JOURNALIST.
Especially when you own a blog and think using the words 'cheese' and 'monkey' throughout reflects on how much of a 'random' person you are. You're not 'random'. You go to the same desk at the same time each and every day and do the same task over and over then go to the same pub after your shift and drink the same drink as you did the night before.
It's that kind of thing that has made me not update here for ages (three months? Record breaker, for sure). That and I've been really busy on my final dissertation for college, writing my soul out for scant pennies and returning to full time work as a chef. Okay, all that and I'm really lazy.
I wonder what a sloth would be like if you put it on sedatives. Those things have got really bizarre hands.
Anyways, here's a really random conversation I had with my little brother Grimmy on MSN the other night while drunk. I found it this morning in the history files. I do remember his screen name telling me he was in the shower and that we played a quick fire round of the insult game for a while, and that's about all.
Countdown to conversation with my brother:
3... 2.... 1... WOOOOOOSH!
Zeke: You're in the shower at midnight?
Zeke: That's fucking HARDCORE SHOWERING!
Grimmy: Yes, I rather enjoy a power shower.
Grimmy: How are you, mother trucker?
Grimmy: Hello?
Zeke: Hello?
Grimmy: Hello!
Zeke: Hi!
Zeke: How are you?
Grimmy: Can you read what I'm saying?
Zeke: There's a bunch of letters there and they kind of make sense.
Grimmy: You're a Sonic Waffle.
Zeke: Well, you're a Questionable Mantlepiece.
Grimmy: You are, by unanimous vote, a Pragmatic Souffle
Zeke: Ah, that may be true, but in contrast I think you'll find that you're an Ubiquitous Duckling.
Grimmy: Platonic Cornflake.
Zeke: Uncalmable Cheeseboard?
Grimmy: You're as gay as that kid at the school bus stop who always used to steal your fag butts from you.
Zeke: Oh, yeah, I remember him. You're as gay as the twat I work with that has not one Westham F.C tattoo, but TWO Westham F.C tattoos. AND TALKS ABOUT WESTHAM AND HIS WESTHAM TATTOOS CONSTANTLY.
Grimmy: Erm, but I think you'll find that you're overlooking the fact that I had a pie earlier, which obviously redeems me from my gayness.
Zeke: Nope, I win, because not only did I eat a pie earlier but I also cooked 12 (twelve) beef and ale pies for the restaurant this evening. WAAAAAAAHHH. Distributing the pies to the masses.
Grimmy: You're only distributing your prejudice, you're just too blind to see it.
Zeke: You distribute gay but you're too sexually insecure to see/feel it.
Grimmy: They only thing you see or feel is another man's/boy's genitals.
Zeke: Wait... wait!
Zeke: I can win this one! Just let me think...
Zeke: ... Oh yeah!
Zeke: I've got a girlfriend.
Zeke: Where's your girlfriend? Eh? I don't see her.
Zeke: Is she over here? Oh no, she's not.
Zeke: What about over here? Oh, no. Not here either.
Zeke: Should I call off the search party?
Zeke: WAAAAAAHHH
Grimmy: Should you lose your affinity with men as well as women?
Zeke: I can't answer that question really. I just have a straight forward mastery of the sexuals.
Zeke: (women).
Grimmy: lol the sexuals
Grimmy: rofl waffles
Grimmy: Lmaonade
Zeke: My face is on fire.
Grimmy: Is it burning like a single mother in hell?
Zeke: Oh, hang on...
Zeke: No, no it's not. My mistake, it's my cigarette that's on fire.
Zeke: You wouldn't believe the relief I'm feeling right now even if I could describe it!
Grimmy: I can make an estimate from the information I retrieved. The curve appears to be positive.
Zeke: Wait! I've come out with a different figure entirely. Are you sure you applied the standard misdeviation properly?
Grimmy: I used the unsigma sign to it's most pure form. And so, the hero and the princess got married.
Zeke: Fuck, it all makes sense! Pisces - you will prosper from a recent vague decision you made sometime in the last lifetime, and it will pay off when a good thing happens sometime in the next few years or so (give or take a decade).
Zeke: Y'know, I wondered what Meg was talking about until you filled in the gaps.
Grimmy: You see, meg is comparable to a flat packable cow. It makes no sense.
Zeke: Are you saying flat packaging makes no sense or cows make no sense? TREAD CAREFULLY.
Grimmy: The answer lies in the 8 ball.
Zeke: I don't have one handy. Relay it to me.
Grimmy: The result was volatile, have you read the disclaimer first?
Zeke: Was that all that shit about not being able to sue someone if they twat you about the head with an 8-ball if they can provide indesputable proof that the 8-ball told them to twat someone around the head with it?
Grimmy: The confusion of the situation has a 10x multiplier. Thus, the courts shall be too mentally decayed to care of the outcome.
Grimmy: It's a risk we have to take in these dark days.
Zeke: As long as we have love in our wallets and Van Morrison's latest album in our ears, we'll always be able to embrace the darkest days with confidence... surely you remember 'Emo/Gothic Tendancies Vs. Not Being A Dick' class back in school? That was the FIRST thing they hammered into us!
Grimmy: But it was all so subliminal! Really Z, i would have thought that you'd learned by now that the mind is a box, and if you open it you die.
Grimmy: More to the point, you just die.
Zeke: Dying sucks ass. What's all that shit about? It really sucks.
Zeke: Do you have the answers? God, I need the answers.
Grimmy: No, my name is Grimmy. You got the 'G' bit correct though. That'll all be accounted for on your day of judgement. Try the room upstairs.
Zeke: Uhhhh.... on top of the roof? I'm in the bedroom right now.
Grimmy: Stop thinking so laterally. You're just demoralizing yourself.
Zeke: I never had a moralizing to de-moralize in the first place.
Zeke: Which works out quite nicely, I think.
Grimmy: Too right, if i may say so.
Grimmy: Well too late in any case, I already have said so! Ahah, this is all too much, don't you think?
Zeke: I heartily agree. So much so, in fact, I'm going to do some bed-sleep. I've just worked a fourteen hour day, dontcha know.
Grimmy: We think alike. Try having a two day day. That's hectic!
Zeke: Oh, what, so you've done two hours a day for two days straight? Killer! Dude, that's like... four hours you've done this weekend!
Grimmy: Two days and two hours all in every action packed one.
Zeke: Do you work so hardcore that those four hours feel like a million?
Grimmy: I try, I really do.
Zeke: Hard enough?
Grimmy: Potential's there.
Zeke: That counts for a hell of a lot, no matter what anyone says.
Zeke: A potential in the hand is worth two actions in the bush, or some shit.
Grimmy: You should be among the Elite, you really should.
Zeke: Who said I wasn't already?
Grimmy: I'm going to close my eyes, count to ten and hope that your existance was just some strange dream.
Zeke: And then after those ten seconds you'll realise that it really was a strange dream and get so sad that I never existed that you'll hate yourself forever for wishing that I was a strange dream.
Zeke: Which I probably am.
Grimmy: There's two schools of thought on that, but you'll have to go into more depth at another time. Right now I'm going to bed.
Grimmy: Goodnights.
Zeke: Nightys-night.
Zeke: The
Grimmy: End.
It's just occurred to me that after all that, I still never found out if he was okay and life was running smoothly back home.
posted by Titty Biscuits at 2:55 PM
6 Comments:
Bout time you updated i check this bastard everyday. Anywho heres my pathetic blog
http://kungfucazz.blogspot.com
Toodles
Cazz
You're so right about the smugness of the blogosphere. Long may this one breathe a different, less smug kind of air.
Hurry up and update again Cuz hehe im very impatient
I am bored with this post too. Wasn't that interesting to begin with. Should have been kept to yourselves. If i think of any other negative things to say, i will post them here in coming days.
still good old msn up for its randomness. On another note Z get on msn I have funky vids to share wit you dawg.
I still don't remember having this conversation, but i looked up my message history and correct you are.
I think there's a lesson for us all to learn in this.
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